Sponge bath it is.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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