I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
