Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize