Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
