don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
