i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
