She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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