Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize