you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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