well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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