Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize