Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
