I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
