But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
someone get that fucking seahorse.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
