apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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