don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
