the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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