There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
