It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
