Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
