Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
