They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
