Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
