I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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