What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize