do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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