if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
