chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
