Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
where am i from again
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
