I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
how does that bad decision feel?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize