im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
