she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
