peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
