I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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