Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
