i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
