You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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