it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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