A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
