i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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