If i come over, it means nothing
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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