When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
