were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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