I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
