I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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