No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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