She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize