I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Randomize
