So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
