i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
