True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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