So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
