I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
