did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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