like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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