the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Two words: blizzard sex
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
