I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
