worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
