I murdered the dance floor call the cops
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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