did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
and she was petting her beer can
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
