Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
