At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
