Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
